I wanna bring you to show and tell
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
