i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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