If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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