Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
