Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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