I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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