party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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