He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
