I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
