So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
they need to just BURY HIM!
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
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