I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
