It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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