I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I have tasted many bathrooms
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
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