where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
