She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
