I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
