God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
