I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
