Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
