I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
jump out the window naked night went bad
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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