i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
