You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
