it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Randomize
