Me too!
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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