thus making me awesome and them whores
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
