Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Randomize
