I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
