i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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