the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm like, not good at living.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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