first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
