I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Randomize
