I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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