He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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