Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
