her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
