my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I am available for nakedness
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
