i can't believe i had my finger in that
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize