hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
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