Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
