I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
