This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
