Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
