Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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