i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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