it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
