discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
