I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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