I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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