I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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