Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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