you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
