Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
