question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
