happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
