Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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