The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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