end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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