I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I see more hoeing in ur future
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
