So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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