Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
