You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
