I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
