She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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