so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
