New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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