u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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