she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
