i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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