Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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