So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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