nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
