god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize