Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
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