this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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