i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize