Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i love accidental penises.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
