just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
