Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
