sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
