Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
