"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
