i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
