I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
