how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
