there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Randomize
