as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Randomize
