i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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