so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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