my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
