Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
