I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Dick very happy bro
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
