but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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