Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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